Our Evolving Language

HS #48 2019.7.11

Our Evolving Language

I am scarred for life. I’m speaking of the abuse of my father  - a lover of the English language and devotee of its proper use. Even now, I feel him looking over my shoulder as I write this. I am trying not to split any infinitives. 

The words “darn, heck, golly, and gee” did not occur in the Pennings’ household. “Halfway houses to profanity” they were called. I could see the angst in my father’s face when I read a book to my younger brother containing one of those words. Dad’s desire for language purity conflicted with his desire for accurate reading.  

But those were lessons easily learned. More difficult was the distinction between “lie” and “lay”. For those who don’t know, the following – and only the following – are correct: “I am lying on the bed.” “I am laying my body on the bed.” “Yesterday I lay on the bed.”  No wonder folks go crazy. 

Dad drove the lesson deep. When I said, “I am laying on the floor” he would gently – but unfailingly – correct, “I am lying on the floor.” I once put a couple eggs under me so that when he corrected, I could show him that indeed, I WAS laying on the floor.  

But learn I did, and now I can’t hear anyone use “lay” incorrectly without aching to correct them. But I have formed rules. Never correct a boss or subordinate. Friends are OK if the subject being discussed is less important than that I help them become a better person. OK to correct siblings under all circumstances. 

Unfortunately the sins of the father have perpetuated and expanded. I have developed my own peeves. Chief among them is “compose” versus “comprise.” For the record, it is NEVER correct to say, “is comprised of.“ NPR announcers regularly make this mistake. Feels good to inwardly correct those stuck-up prigs. 

“I am doing good” shows the speaker doesn’t know an adjective from an adverb. 

But the worst offense is “Me and John are eating.“ Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. One doesn’t say “”Me is eating,” so why change the form of the subject when adding another?  I have considered jettisoning candidates for professor positions when I heard that mistake. 

The logic is simple: “I” is the subject or predicate nominative. (This is I.)  “Me” is the direct object. (He hit me.) “Myself“ is used only sparingly when self-referencing. (I hit myself.) 

But I am having second thoughts. Way back in the 50’s, Andy Griffith would regularly tell Aunt Bee, “Me and Opie are going fishing.” Why is incorrect grammar so enduring and increasingly common? 

Perhaps language evolves to improve communication. When listening to BBC, I sometimes miss hearing a murder victim’s name because they report the full identity and personal details before saying "was killed," Once I hear "killed" I perk up, but it's too late.

Similarly, to begin a sentence "John and I are going to the gym" gives identity information at the beginning, but no context for it. In contrast, "Me and John are going to the gym" has several advantages. Beginning with "me" communicates instantly that someone else is included. Else one would say, "I am going to the gym." Secondly, it gives the listener opportunity to pay attention by the time the companion’s name is mentioned. 

There is an area of mathematics called constructivism that studies how natural systems evolve towards optimal states. For example, a mass of people exiting a ballpark will organically form flow lines. Is this perhaps what is happening in language?  Are we unconsciously changing our grammar so it becomes more efficient: maximum understanding with minimum number of words?

Case in point: To say “I am lying” could be confused with telling fibs. 

Another: Using the word “comprise” eliminates need for the word “compose” with no loss of understanding.  

No one says, "That is behavior up with which I shall not put." Instead, it’s more efficient to flaunt the formal rules and end sentences with propositions. 

Even the increasing prevalence of profanity may be an evolution towards efficiency. During the intensely frustrating years of my graduate work in mathematics, I had a Mark Twain quote over my desk, “In desperate times, profanity provides a balm denied even by prayer.”

Profanity is also an effective way to bond friendships. Making oneself vulnerable affirms relationships and is more convenient and less fattening than getting a beer together. 

Heck, dear readers, it’s even useful when writing darn newspaper columns.