HS #55 2020.2.13
Walking in Another’s Moccasins
When I came to Holland thirty years ago, I taught and was a resident hall director (RD) at Hope College. An RD friend, Kama, occasionally pointed out the “male dominated” world in which we lived. I wasn’t convinced. Thought she was being overly sensitive. Then we went to a talk on feminism. The speaker, needing a personal pronoun, used “her” rather than “him.” That was fine. Then needed one again and again used, “her.” Well, OK. Then a third time, and used “her” yet again. I remember thinking, “Hey, I’m here too.” Yeouzza – mission accomplished. I had just gotten a tiny taste of what it is like for females to live in a male dominated world.
Later that year, the RDs attended a workshop on self-defense. The speaker divided the blackboard down the middle and asked us men, “What do you do to protect yourself when you come out of Meijer at night?” We looked at each other in puzzlement. What was he talking about? Then he asked the women the same question and we watched in amazement as he filled up their side of the board with their replies: “Look under and around my car.” “Carry my keys between my knuckles.” “Have my finger on the mace.” “Stay with a friend.” Another life-changing moment as I realized that I lived in a totally different world than the women.
Fast forward to 2008. Hope College shut down campus for a couple days due to the norovirus. Without a computer at home and needing to get work done, I took advantage of the computers in the library of Western Theological Seminary. Going home for lunch, I returned to a sign on their door, “Off limits to Hope College students and staff.” Made sense. Couldn’t blame them. But suddenly the Bible stories of unclean lepers took on new meaning.
I’m still learning such lessons. Last year a black Davenport University student friend and I were eating pizza at Subs & More on 8th Street when he mentioned we live in two different worlds. I asked him to explain. He said, “Well, if you went to the counter and told them something was wrong with your pizza, they would apologize and fix you another piece. If I complained, they would think I was trying to cheat them.”
Interestingly, I got my greatest “aha” moment regarding blacks in America recently while listening to an NPR story on the Berlin Wall. Without intending it, the Allied forces of WWII conducted a scientific experiment when they randomly split Berlin in two. The city had been totally homogeneous: same ethnicity, religion, history, education, family names - same everything. Then it was suddenly split in two and subjected to different political systems for twenty-eight years – effectively one generation. Now, thirty years later, what’s the result after a concerted effort of reunification? Surprisingly, former East Germans complain of feeling like second-class citizens. Indeed, there are eighty institutions of higher education throughout Germany and not one of them has a president from former East Germany.
If a homogeneous population can be turned into “haves” and “have nots” after just one generation and that condition persists after thirty years of a full-fledged attempt at establishing equity, is it any wonder that two hundred years of slavery followed by years of abuse leave blacks in the U.S. in a decidedly disadvantaged situation.
Bottom line: these examples show the need for thoughtful understanding and empathy.
They also show the wisdom of Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts’ advice in a high school commencement speech:
“From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and the failure of others is not completely deserved either. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion. Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.”
